''I have moments when I forget myself'' he said. ''It's just for tonight.''
''But what if..'' I yelled. ''What if..?!''
''Trust me''
''Last night I could've never seen but now I know. Everyday I learn.''
He gave me a piece of paper. It said 'stay'.

The sky was cloudy, it could rain. I heard silence and waited.

''What makes me this way?''
''What makes you in love?''
''No, scared''
''Love'' he said and looked out the window. The sky was turning dark. Drops of water scattered the view but he could tell, there was more than rain. There was more than darkness. There was more. We heard loss as it came closer and noises filled the street.

''When did they come back?''
''They never left''
''But why here?''
''Someone told them it's their right''
''To destroy?''

''Lets move''
''Where? And why?''
''There's a house next to a mosque, it has a garden and a big orange tree. It's not far from here, it's only safer''
''This is home''
The lights went off as he was looking out. The fire from outside showed us all we needed to see. But then, we fell asleep, into unawareness.

''I don't want more than this'' he said to me.
''But I do'' I said and closed my eyes.

Black, White And Colorless

'Your times won't have me, neither will the miles. We share sadness, hope and this smile. Your eyes will see me but they won't feel. I want to draw you. Have you here.'

I kept the papers and the lines figured, placed in notebooks and shelves. I still try to believe, but I'm lost in this moment and in myself. I want to draw, make this world a painting. I want to grow.

I wasted ink yesterday. And the day before. I tried and got less than what I hoped for. I followed my instinct. I had nothing to say! So pointless. I want to have more and think less. Where do I go now? I turned the page and drew a line. Watched it for sometime. Unawareness. My thoughts just stood still. I wanted to express a hope or a will. I wanted to scream to the sky and color blue over a tent and a kite. I wanted to fall and break up the puzzle on the ground. I wanted to drown. Yes, drown. But I surrendered to a slightest doubt. I looked down on my pen and it was just laying there, here and now.

October Days

I want to see grandma. She's been in the hospital for three days. They told me she's alright so I'm not worried. Her heart is strong enough, I know. They said she'll be out today. I wanted to visit her yesterday but visiting hours were only at morning and I have school. My school takes most of my day.
It's a nice place, my school. It began to feel familiar, like a place I'd look back to and remember. Only now have I known that this is where I'm meant to be. This city is definitely much better than it was a month ago. Must be the weather.

I was driving the other day, going to my cousin's house. I like going there. They're like my second family. As I arrived, I parked by my cousin's place. I saw this 50 year old man, he looked physically disabled, something with his hands. All I know is, he had two children walking behind him, I'm guessing they were his kids. I was glad to see them. 

I wish I was better, don't we all? I wish I could be perfect. Not perfect, because I think it's not real or possible but I wish I could be perfect enough. I wish I didn't make mistakes. Someone means the world to me and deserves better than my imperfections.

I'm thinking to go to rainbow street today. It's a street on the way to downtown. It's calm and nice at this time. I got my new camera so I'll take pictures. I'll probably find an old man sitting on a bench next to a dry tree, or two lovers standing on the sidewalk. I might find anything. Who knows. I'll go.